How yoga lured me
What drew me to yoga in 1999 was stress. Carpal tunnel from mousing and 10 hour days as a financial analyst for years finally put my arm in a sling. Pain that I ignored eventually migrated from the wrist up to my whole entire right shoulder, neck, and head with a constant migraine. The awakening moment was when I woke up one morning with my head tilted to the right side and being unable to turn my head to look over my shoulder to drive.
Picture that— a physically fit woman under 30, well dressed in heels, with a crooked neck, wearing a blue arm sling rushing to her desk to churn out those numbers needed for the next contract!
So how did yoga find me? A flyer posted in the lunchroom offering employees gentle yoga to help de-stress beckoned my attention. The unforgettable first class after work was at the Scripps La Jolla Administration building on Torrey Pine. How was yoga then?
“Holy crap, this is soooo boring! I can do those poses better than XYZ in front of me and over there… Sure I can touch my feet, flexibility is not a problem for me. Is that it…?”
Physically, it was not too challenging, because I'm naturally flexible to begin with and my exercise routines involved running, tennis and golf weekly. What do all these physical activities have in common… getting somewhere, beating someone, and getting the better score/time.
My innate tendency to do more and challenge myself was physically putting me into a bind. It was a huge challenge to de-stress.
The glimpse of not doing more wafted into my attention. First was the easy peasy tree pose that turned into a fiery tree that ignited my entire body. With the sole of my foot resting on the opposite ankle with toes pointed downward to the floor, it was fine at first. However, the direction was to find stability with eyes closed, if possible, for a lengthy hold and be with what arose. Meeting the challenge, I found myself imagining my foot growing roots deep down, grounding and stabilizing me, despite my trunk wavering in the wind. My arms extending upward were suddenly branches with leaves rustling in the soft breeze. My body was the bodhi tree, and a memory tainted with a slight fear of being alone in the rice field came up. It suddenly became hotter and hotter as if all of my leaves caught fire. Images of red flames engulfing the whole room. Top part of my shoulder and hair were on fire. I was frightened, yet I knew I was safe. My body was sweating from just doing a simple tree pose. Pretty wild experience, Huh!!!
Then there was the unforgettable savasana. Laying down to rest, I asked myself why? My heart rate barely rose. I did not know what was to come. My mind still stuck on the wild images and memories that came up during tree pose, but I did my best following the instructor’s direction to lay down and rest my body. I felt my back relaxing and my shoulder clicked and unknotted itself in the darkened room. There was a sense of my body unlocking and welcoming me to just Being.
Yoga was what I needed, and not I what wanted at that time. Doing what seemingly #easyasana turned out to be more beneficial.
Fast forward several years, the stress of moving and being alone often with my children and having had virtually no downtime 24/7, put me into a sense of separation. Again, yoga was my savior. Through the kids’ toddlers years, I joined sport clubs that had pools, numerous group exercise classes, weight room, courts, and the best part was each of those sport clubs had child care. What a privilege! Yes! I took advantage of what was available to me and tried the various club offerings. What stuck with me was yoga, because that sense of doing/striving was there in all those other activities— stationary biking with blasting music, and someone shouting at me to ride faster and faster, or the Tae-bo and step classes with instructors shouting at me to “do” more and keep moving. While I had been running around the house tending to the kids’ needs, and cleaning, picking up, unpacking/packing when they took a nap, “exercising” was not inspiring for this already exhausted Mom. I wanted to #doless, and being able to take a yoga class and peacefully shower alone was perfection.
Fast forward a few more years, I had no plan to teach when I signed up for teacher training in 2008; taking the training was to learn more about the nebulous philosophy those teachers casted out during classes… the conflicting breathing advices, the poses that each teacher directed differently. My first truly inspiring teacher, David Moreno convinced me to take that big step. I would make the early morning drive to Berkeley to attend his Saturday session at Yoga Mandala… Then I had to move to Singapore. A different story to come…
My sharing here is meant to get the message across that if you are taking care of loved ones and being stretched thin, please make time for yourself. Yoga and nidra meditation #iRestnidrameditation saved me from the sense of being drowned by the demands of my new life and environment, isolation from family and friends, and loss of freedom. I know it’s difficult to practice alone at home. Even after all these years, I need to escape from from “home” in order to be able to give myself a full hour, otherwise, I am distracted by all the the To Dos around the house. This may sound familiar to you. Explore, be with what works for you to experience peace and equanimity in your life. Namaha <3